Progress or not?

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It’s hard to tell if I’m making progress or not.  Some days I feel like my clothes are looser and that I just need to stay the course and do what I’m doing and all will come together.

Sunday night the neighbors came over for dinner and the Missus exclaimed about how FIT I was looking – that I most certainly had been losing weight and was looking good.  (I told her that I had no clue since I don’t weigh.)

Games I play….

Some days – I do a ‘check-in’ of wrapping my index finger and thumb around my opposite wrist and if it doesn’t fit in a certain way – I think I’ve gained fat and it messes with my mind and the ol’ fat talk is off and running in my head.

The opposite can happen also – and does frequently.  If I do the same wrist ‘check-in’ and my fingers touch or overlap, I get all pleased with myself, thinking I’m doing well.  Surprisingly – this can also set me up for a down slide.  I must have some hidden issue where I don’t feel I deserve to be less fat.  Good or bad news (perceived or real) – either can set me into a tailspin of negative behavior – and truly – it just doesn’t makc sense.

I hate this game that my mind plays.  I wish I could control it better.

What to do?  Stay the course.  I need to know (and acknowledge to myself) – REALLY KNOW – that I am eating the right things (most of the time) and I am moving my body smartly and well (most of the time) and I just need to stay the course and not get caught up in the mind games.  Continue to search for MY middle ground – a way to be fit and healthy but not obsessive about being fit and healthy (or maybe a little obsession is ok!).

Crap – it’s a hard place to find and stay in.

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